Caution: Depressing Rant Ahead
Ever since I started looking for schools to go to I decided that I wanted to work for Disney, that fueled my decision to be a business major and my decision to go to school in Florida. But, my dreams always stopped there. I feel backwards from everyone else, I know exactly where I want to work but I have no idea what I want to do there.
I am starting to hate that, I hate that I don't have a passion and because of that don't have a direction to head in.
Except that I have found one passion and that is for Lake Compounce, or at least the people on my team there. People who I miss very, very much.
Tonight was the team member preview of the Haunted Graveyard and a bunch of people on my team went out to eat before heading over together, they sent me pictures of them at dinner and told me that they wished I was there with them. I miss them so much it is literally physically painful, it feels like my heart is breaking. It is so irrational, I know, and yet when I think about them all I want to do is go home and go back to work.
This past summer was one of the greatest summers I have experienced in my short life. I learned countless new things, had many great experiences and made so many new friends that I wish I could say are going to be my friends for life. But that's the thing. I think my heart hurts so much when I think about them because I know that eventually I won't be going back to Connecticut. Florida will be my permanent home and time and distance will disintegrate my friendships with people that, right now, I can't bare to lose.
It won't be something that we want, or plan. We won't hug goodbye and then never speak again. But life goes on and gets busy. You meet new people and make new friends who become your right here and right now. Soon, your past becomes your past and although you may look back on it with joy that is all it is, your past. And you'll wonder what happened to those people you loved, where they are now and what they are doing.
I can feel it happening now. I talked to most of them regularly, but regularly has turned into occasionally. Eventually occasionally will turn into barely at all. I have never felt so much love for a group of people and involuntarily ending those friendships is going to be the hardest thing I will have had to do. I tell myself that I can't turn my back on my Disney dream but the fact that that dream is so wishy-washy is making it so much harder.
I am so excited that I will be spending next summer with them again and right now that summer could not come fast enough.
As I struggle to find my passion down here my heart is hurting for my passion up there. I keep telling myself that it took three summers before I fell in love like I did and so I should give Disney the same length of time. But life isn't long enough for me to spend one year in a place to see if its my passion before moving on. Disney is too big for that and my goals are too high. I am struggling to even figure out how to find my passion and I am terrified that I am going to end up stuck somewhere that I have no passion for. I may like it, but I won't love it.
After loving working at Lake Compounce so much I do have something to base how much I love work off of and I hope to find a semi-permanent home that brings me as much joy as they did. I am terrified that will never happen, and Disney will let me down. What if I'm not in the right place?
I need to go to bed, because I need to sleep off my sadness. And I need to believe that somehow it will all work out, because that is the only thing that is keeping me plugging along.
I am starting to hate that, I hate that I don't have a passion and because of that don't have a direction to head in.
Except that I have found one passion and that is for Lake Compounce, or at least the people on my team there. People who I miss very, very much.
Tonight was the team member preview of the Haunted Graveyard and a bunch of people on my team went out to eat before heading over together, they sent me pictures of them at dinner and told me that they wished I was there with them. I miss them so much it is literally physically painful, it feels like my heart is breaking. It is so irrational, I know, and yet when I think about them all I want to do is go home and go back to work.
This past summer was one of the greatest summers I have experienced in my short life. I learned countless new things, had many great experiences and made so many new friends that I wish I could say are going to be my friends for life. But that's the thing. I think my heart hurts so much when I think about them because I know that eventually I won't be going back to Connecticut. Florida will be my permanent home and time and distance will disintegrate my friendships with people that, right now, I can't bare to lose.
It won't be something that we want, or plan. We won't hug goodbye and then never speak again. But life goes on and gets busy. You meet new people and make new friends who become your right here and right now. Soon, your past becomes your past and although you may look back on it with joy that is all it is, your past. And you'll wonder what happened to those people you loved, where they are now and what they are doing.
I can feel it happening now. I talked to most of them regularly, but regularly has turned into occasionally. Eventually occasionally will turn into barely at all. I have never felt so much love for a group of people and involuntarily ending those friendships is going to be the hardest thing I will have had to do. I tell myself that I can't turn my back on my Disney dream but the fact that that dream is so wishy-washy is making it so much harder.
I am so excited that I will be spending next summer with them again and right now that summer could not come fast enough.
As I struggle to find my passion down here my heart is hurting for my passion up there. I keep telling myself that it took three summers before I fell in love like I did and so I should give Disney the same length of time. But life isn't long enough for me to spend one year in a place to see if its my passion before moving on. Disney is too big for that and my goals are too high. I am struggling to even figure out how to find my passion and I am terrified that I am going to end up stuck somewhere that I have no passion for. I may like it, but I won't love it.
After loving working at Lake Compounce so much I do have something to base how much I love work off of and I hope to find a semi-permanent home that brings me as much joy as they did. I am terrified that will never happen, and Disney will let me down. What if I'm not in the right place?
I need to go to bed, because I need to sleep off my sadness. And I need to believe that somehow it will all work out, because that is the only thing that is keeping me plugging along.
